As a believer of intentional parenting, I meagerly attempt to use every opportunity I can as a teaching lesson. I don’t believe in just punishing, but in consequences with a purpose and taking the time to teach my children a wiser course of action. Let me reiterate the word attempt, because I fail miserably much of the time. Anyway, over the course of the school year I’ve had several teaching moments with Abbi. She is at the age, believe it or not 3rd grade, where girls are becoming caddy and snotty. You know what I’m talking about! My kids have clean, nice clothes but they for sure are not the big name brands unless I have found them on clearance. The popularity, what you have defines who you are mentality, has really amped up this year. My purple minded daughter, however, likes what she likes. I have made an effort to teach her that God made her Abbi, not anyone else. He says who she is, no one else. If she likes what she wears, that is all that matters. If I want to get her something that isn’t her style, she can tell me. However, she doesn’t have to have some brand of clothing just to have friends. The conversation we’ve had is, “Abbi if you like what you are wearing then it does not matter what anyone else thinks.” Along with these conversations, we have had the conversation that everyone is different. An example would be, “Abbi just because you like something doesn’t mean someone else does.” I want them to understand that God made us unique. We have our interests and tastes because God made us that way. She has really seemed to grasp this idea. That is, until it backfired on me. We went from having these nice mother daughter discussions to her using my words against me. Leave it to Abbi to put a spin on things. So, we go from “Mom, I mean I know that’s the style but I just don’t like the way it looks.” And, “Mom, why do girls just want to be your friend just because of how you dress. I mean, how you act matters way more than how you dress. And those girls are not very sweet.” Let me throw in here that she wasn’t trying to make herself sound better than “those girls.” She is just trying to figure things out. Well, I think I’m really accomplishing my goal as a mom. Then it starts. “Mom, just because you like it doesn’t mean I do.” What’s so frustrating is that she isn’t sassy about it so it’s that much harder to have a reply. We’re talking with food, clothes, everything. Breakfast, supper, snacks. Every single thing that I suggest she wear, her room being clean, how to fix her hair. Talk about not going the way I intended. Rather than becoming this wise young lady, she has figured out how to manipulate me. Honestly, I have really let go of trying to get her to do things the way I want, but have really attempted to let her individuality flourish. This is not what I had in mind, at all, though. There is a huge difference in individuality and using the “I’m my own person so don’t tell me what to do” mentality. Now, we haven’t gotten that far, yet. I just want to make sure she doesn’t get to that point. She is just testing her boundaries right now. Oh goodness, how am I ever going to figure out how to parent this child? My solution? I’ve made one of my 2012 goals reading parenting books because I’m clueless.
