Outsmarted by Abbi

Over the course of this school year, one area that I had kind of become lax on was the kids’ chores. They were starting to become whiney about helping around the house. Our family motto is that we are a team, which translates to the fact that we all make messes, therefore we all have a responsibility to help clean up messes. Even though I am a stay home mom, I am not a mom that does everything for my kids.  I believe my role is to teach them to become independent, responsible adults; not to be their maid. With that said, it honestly is easier just to do things for them rather than teach them how to do it themselves. This becomes a vicious monster rather quickly, though. And that monster was beginning to grow. So out comes this amazing chore chart system. I must say I was very proud of this chore chart, but it was an epic fail. Even though I spent a week making this system, it quickly came down. I knew it was just not going to work. Up goes chore system number two. It didn’t work either. Now, before you get on to me for blaming the chore system rather than my kids, let me just say that it wasn’t working for any of us. It was too much for me to keep up with. We needed simple. So out comes a single sheet of paper for each child with their list of chores and a circle to check off. Guess what? Their chores have been done every day for two weeks now.  Who knew a simple little chart printed off the computer would solve this problem! By now, you know that my daughter marches to the beat of her own drum. And that march is in the opposite direction of her mom.  Let’s just say that she brilliantly pulled one over on me with this chore chart. My boys get up each day and make their beds.  It’s one of their responsibilities. Not Abbi. She did a great job of making her bed once. And she never intended to do it again even though it's on her chore chart. She went and got a blanket, sleeps on top of her covers and covers up with the blanket. Pretty smart. In fact, so smart that I couldn’t really come up with a reason why it wasn’t acceptable. After all, her bed is made.  She outsmarted me and I decided to let her win. You know, my daughter doesn’t do hardly anything the way I would. Rather than let it annoy me or frustrate me, I am learning to appreciate her perspective and ideas. Life is so much for fun with her. Now if I could just talk Tim into letting us sleep on top of our covers so that I didn’t have to make my bed every day.

Using My Words of Wisdom Against Me

As a believer of intentional parenting, I meagerly attempt to use every opportunity I can as a teaching lesson. I don’t believe in just punishing, but in consequences with a purpose and taking the time to teach my children a wiser course of action. Let me reiterate the word attempt, because I fail miserably much of the time. Anyway, over the course of the school year I’ve had several teaching moments with Abbi.  She is at the age, believe it or not 3^rd grade, where girls are becoming caddy and snotty. You know what I’m talking about! My kids have clean, nice clothes but they for sure are not the big name brands unless I have found them on clearance. The popularity, what you have defines who you are mentality, has really amped up this year. My purple minded daughter, however, likes what she likes. I have made an effort to teach her that God made her Abbi, not anyone else. He says who she is, no one else. If she likes what she wears, that is all that matters. If I want to get her something that isn’t her style, she can tell me. However, she doesn’t have to have some brand of clothing just to have friends. The conversation we’ve had is, “Abbi  if you like what you are wearing then it does not matter what anyone else thinks.” Along with these conversations, we have had the conversation that everyone is different. An example would be, “Abbi just because you like something doesn’t mean someone else does.” I want them to understand that God made us unique. We have our interests and tastes because God made us that way. She has really seemed to grasp this idea. That is, until it backfired on me. We went from having these nice mother daughter discussions to her using my words against me. Leave it to Abbi to put a spin on things. So, we go from “Mom, I mean I know that’s the style but I just don’t like the way it looks.” And, “Mom, why do girls just want to be your friend just because of how you dress. I mean, how you act matters way more than how you dress. And those girls are not very sweet.” Let me throw in here that she wasn’t trying to make herself sound better than “those girls.” She is just trying to figure things out. Well, I think I’m really accomplishing my goal as a mom. Then it starts. “Mom, just because you like it doesn’t mean I do.” What’s so frustrating is that she isn’t sassy about it so it’s that much harder to have a reply. We’re talking with food, clothes, everything. Breakfast, supper, snacks. Every single thing that I suggest she wear, her room being clean, how to fix her hair. Talk about not going the way I intended. Rather than becoming this wise young lady, she has figured out how to manipulate me. Honestly, I have really let go of trying to get her to do things the way I want, but have really attempted to let her individuality flourish. This is not what I had in mind, at all, though. There is a huge difference in individuality and using the “I’m my own person so don’t tell me what to do” mentality. Now, we haven’t gotten that far, yet. I just want to make sure she doesn’t get to that point. She is just testing her boundaries right now.  Oh goodness, how am I ever going to figure out how to parent this child? My solution? I’ve made one of my 2012 goals reading parenting books because I’m clueless.